I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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