Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
