You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You smell like stripper and shame
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
