guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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