turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
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