Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
