Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
