like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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