no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
are you so shy because you have an std?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
