She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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