Just cropdusted the office
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
