hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
