Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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