I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
