I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
