took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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