What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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