ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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