I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
