so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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