No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
