Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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