how can u be prego again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
