We won't sleep together?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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