Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
