He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
