Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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