No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
