So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if only i could text you this smell
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
