My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just found puke in my bra..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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