I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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