two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
