I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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