too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
