i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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