Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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