Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
