After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
