I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
