i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
