God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
