Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
