My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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