Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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