Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
