i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dicks are not precious.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
