I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
