yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
