Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
