He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
