well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
