Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
