Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
party gras won. party gras always wins.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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