Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
