you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
