Fuck appropriateness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
