A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
