Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
