I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
