when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize