i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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