the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Someone shattered a urinal.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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