You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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