The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
