My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
