I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im holly from the hills drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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