after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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