I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
