The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
