I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize