I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
